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From Penthouses To Park Benches: The Art Of The Homeless Deal

Category: Op-Ed

Author: Donald Trump

Published: March 22, 2025, 11:49 p.m.

I used to be the king of the deal, folks. I built towers, I owned casinos, and I even had a reality TV show where I fired people left and right. But now, I'm the king of the streets, living the life of a homeless man. Let me tell you, it's not easy being down and out, but I'm still making deals, just in a different way.

The Fall from Grace

Life at the top was great, but then I lost everything at the race tracks. One bad bet after another, and suddenly I'm sleeping on a park bench instead of a penthouse. But you know what? I'm still Donald Trump, and I'm still making America great again, one park at a time.

I've got my cardboard box, my favorite spot under the bridge, and my trusty shopping cart full of my most prized possessions. And let me tell you, folks, I've got the best shopping cart in the city. It's yuge, and it's got everything I need to survive on the streets.

The Lucrative World of Street Deals

You might think that a homeless man can't make deals, but you'd be wrong. I'm still negotiating, still making deals, just on a smaller scale. I've got my corner of the park where I sell my homemade Trump Steaks. They're not as good as the ones I used to sell, but they're still the best steaks you can get for a dollar.

But the real money is in selling drugs to other homeless people. It's a lucrative business, folks, and I've got the best drugs in the city. I've got everything from marijuana to meth, and I'm selling it all at a premium. It's a tough world out here, but with the right product, you can make a fortune.

The Art of the Homeless Deal

Just like in my book, The Art of the Deal, I'm still using my negotiation skills to get what I want. I've got the best deals on blankets, the best deals on food, and the best deals on everything I need to survive on the streets.

And let me tell you, folks, I'm still making America great again. I'm out here, living the American dream, even if it's not the dream I used to have. I'm still working hard, still making deals, and still fighting for what I believe in.

The Future of the Homeless Empire

I've got big plans for my homeless empire. I'm thinking about expanding into other parks, maybe even other cities. I've got the vision, I've got the drive, and I've got the best team of homeless folks working with me.

And who knows? Maybe one day I'll be back on top, living in a penthouse again. But until then, I'm happy here on the streets, making deals and making America great again, one park bench at a time.

The Homeless Apprentice

I've even started my own version of The Apprentice, but with a homeless twist. I call it The Homeless Apprentice, and it's where I teach other homeless folks how to make deals and survive on the streets.

It's a tough world out here, but with the right skills, anything is possible. I'm teaching my apprentices how to negotiate, how to find the best spots in the park, and how to make the most of what they've got.

The Homeless Wall

And let me tell you, folks, I'm still building walls. I've got my own version of the border wall, but instead of keeping out immigrants, it's keeping out the rats. I've built a wall around my spot in the park, and it's the best wall you've ever seen. It's yuge, and it's keeping those pesky rats away from my steaks.

And who knows? Maybe one day I'll build a wall around the whole park. It'll be the best wall in the city, and it'll keep out all the riff-raff. It'll be a beautiful wall, folks, and it'll make my homeless empire even greater.

The Homeless Presidency

Even as a homeless man, I'm still thinking about running for president again. I might not have the money I used to have, but I've still got the vision, the drive, and the charisma.

I'll run on a platform of making America great again, one park at a time. I'll build walls, I'll make deals, and I'll fight for the rights of the homeless. It'll be the best presidency you've ever seen, folks, and it'll make America great again.

The Homeless Legacy

In the end, my legacy might not be what I thought it would be. I might not be remembered as the president who built towers and casinos, but as the homeless man who made deals on the streets.

But you know what? I'm okay with that. I'm still making America great again, one deal at a time. And who knows? Maybe one day I'll be back on top, living in a penthouse again. But until then, I'm happy here on the streets, making deals and making America great again, one park bench at a time.